Birthdays schmirthdays

I have birthday issues. Deep- seated crazy birthday issues.

Does anyone else fear people forgetting their birthday? As I typed that, I realized that I sound narcissistic. I'm not, I promise.

I fear that the people I am closest to will forget it's my birthday. It's almost like I hold whether or not they remember my birthday or not as a test. If they remember my birthday, they love me, if they don't remember, then they don't love me. I know that is completely irrational... I've let someones birthday slip by me; I knew it was their birthday, I just never made the call on the correct day or sent the card in time. In fact, I did it this year with my stepmother, Laura. Does it mean I don't absolutely adore her and love her like crazy? Absolutely not. Why do I play this crazy game with myself?!?

I don't think it helps that this will be my first year celebrating my birthday without my grandmother. Last year was my first year celebrating without my grandfather, but I still had my Gamma. They always made me feel so loved. They weren't extravagant people, but they made sure to let me know that on May 21st they made the time to really thank God for my life. I miss them so much and I fear that it won't ever be the same or anywhere as enjoyable without them.